Monday, August 01, 2005


When I'm deeply psychotic, my sight betrays me. I assemble lines and images where there are none. Things stop being what they are, and become collections of lines, shapes, and items traced between what I see as important points of reference. Sometimes, I let other people know about my lines, but mostly, I move objects around the room to make as few lines as possible. I'd close my eyes, but that's when I see my dancing, glittering angel of pain the clearest: when there's nothing to interfere with her dance.

This concept might be hard to grasp for most people, so I've constructed an example. Below, I display two paintings by different artists, and drew lines and shapes into them as I see them psychotically. The Grunewald bothers me immensely, the Dore not as much. First take a look at the originals:

This is how I see the lines when I'm psychotically incapacitated; you'll have to click on the images to see my lines clearly:

Notice the revolver, the grail, and the equilateral triangle. The blue lines are lines I see that rearrange themselves into different shapes when psychotically reassembled.

This painting bothers me far less. The only shape I see is the equilateral triangle between the two wrestlers. The only psychotic lines I see are the horizon and Jacob's staff.

I don't know what motivates me to find lines in some images, while not seeing any in others. Usually, I rearrange the clutter around me through trial and error so I don't assemble the lines. Sometimes, I can't get away from them at all.

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