Sunday, May 07, 2006
I lurk in water. Drowning, swimming, what's the difference? I drown; I live. I swim; I drown. Every moment is suffering in a world with no danger. That's the best way I can explain it. I am grateful to you all. I don't suffer from want, but I suffer none-the-less. Everything comes from within. It seems like the only way I can find happiness is to inflict myself on everyone around me. My struggle will get more dire; nothing holds it in place. The best chance for me is to distract myself as much as I can, and try to feel useful for the moments in between. There's no end in sight, and no way out of the water. My life is pain; I can only live it. I shouldn't make you watch, but hope springs from this blog and my writing. Solitude hurts me, but I don't know why. If I was alone, bang: no hesitation. Every moment asks it of me. In a world filled with those questions, I deny them as well as I can by lurking in the water.