Sunday, June 26, 2005

Glittering Angel

My Glittering Angel of Pain haunts me tonight, but that's not why I can't sleep. The night calls for me to join the struggle against my waking dreams. I remember when I used to walk at night, singing the verses of the choir in my head. Barefoot, I'd walk until I bled with the same staccato rhythmn flowing through my head. All the words escape me now, but I knew them well in my past. It always started the same:

An advocate
Or an adversary
Tertiary predation
Keeps me alive
With masticated meat

Tonight, it pounds on in a different direction, rolling with the bootheels of my Legion.

"An advocate
Or an adversary
Tertiary predation
Keeps me alive
With masticated meat
I can't feel my feet
Once white, once tanned
Now red, I can strive
For feelings unfelt
My laughter is canned
like an onion in broth on a shelf
Take my pain
And spare me pity
The night again
Eludes the City"

Then comes a pause. It's a long pause that tries to make sense of the darkness, but fails like my eyes. In black and white, I see the night clearly, and this is clearly black. I can't fill this pause with any degree of logic, or run away from its emptiness. My Glittering Angel of Pain distracts me like always, but tonight is made for the pause. If I could see the night in color, the pause would probably be Red. Red is the most beautiful color when the light is better; but in the darkness I prefer the dark Greens and Browns of the forests near my home: they look Black at night, which is the color of uncertainty. Tonight, I wish I could turn away from all light so I can see only doubt. However, tonight on my island in the Sea of Dreams, I can't escape the dawn that chases away my pauses, but I can scream my thoughts through the calling of the night. You won't hear it, but my cry will be "For Wrack, for Ruin, and the Red Dawn!"

1 comment:

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