I just had an IM conversation with a friend, and the topic turned to Islam. Now I'm sitting here trying not to read any more of the Koran. I don't need the conflict in my head right now. I've read the book before, and looking at it now just makes me angrier. Ugh. Why can't I keep my research focused on weird things like The Questing Beast? Why am I torturing myself by reading again a book that only causes pain to me? I don't want the knowlege this book has to offer, no matter how important it is to know what I know. I wish I remained ignorant in high school. Maybe then I would be able to act without counsel. Now I just fight an uphill battle with ignorance that won't believe in monsters, long leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, no matter how monstrous some people become.
My friend Tarik is not evil. I hope he hasn't read what I read. I pray for him a lot, if only to keep a bit of contact through the haze that's been opaque since high school. Back then I knew many good muslims. I thought their book would reflect well on their manners and easy friendships. Now I read the Ninth Chapter and wonder if they considered me immune or not. The other day, I got called a bigot by a friend, someone I love. I read. I feel. I love. I'm not a bigot. I'm just a confused man who knows too many good people, and too much of the Koran. I don't want what I read to be real, but I'm confronted every day by the evidence at hand. When my friend Tarik visited New York in the late nineties, after the first bombing of the World Trade Center, he said that the security would not let his family take the tour. I thought it was awful. I thought that bigots ruled the world, and that Islam was on equal footing with every other faith. I wish I remained that way. If losing my knowlege of Islam would mean that those that have suffered would not suffer, I would gladly trade it in. Now I just wonder about the ninth chapter and the Immunities. My father was recently offered a job in Baghdad. He was a U.S. Army intelligence officer for twenty years. I read the immunities in the Ninth Chapter to figure out his status. I don't want to remember my conclusion: He would be immune to Allah's protection. He would be next.
I hate my life. If I could be next, and my death meant everyone would see the truth, I'd gladly die. Of course, the question isn't about dying as Christ died. The question is killing how Christ refused to kill at the Garden of Gethsemane. The question is how much do we want to be immune from Allah's protection? We, as Americans, are not often presented the opportunity to die as Christ did. Our deaths would either be meaningless examples of religion gone mad, as interpreted by the liberal press, or our deaths would be ignored by a world that considers death commonplace. I would like to think that three thousand dead Americans is enough blood money to buy worldwide sympathy. It is far too little. Now we're faced with thousands more dead, and ten times that many by our own hand, just to prove that Allah's protection is meaningless.
Now, my vote has to choose: more dead Americans for more blood money, or more dead Muslims to prove their god is powerless. My desire is to be ignorant, because then I could just choose to look away no matter who dies.