Sunday, September 17, 2006
Tonight It Comes Shortly
This weekend wasn't kind to my pen. I wrote nothing save this. It's frustrating in here with my thoughts; I get so damn lonely. My friends in Tulsa have it rough, and there's nothing I can do to help them. There's nothing I can do to help myself anymore, either. When the time comes -- tonight it comes shortly -- I take my medication, which is ineffective at best. Sometimes I'm so alone with my thoughts that they stalk me and hunt me down. I'm good at hiding the disease from onlookers, but I'm terrible at helping myself when I need to be strong the most: tonight it comes shortly. Every sentence folds into the next, and I can't get away from the circles. Repeating myself is all I have left. A day will come when I've said it all, and no one cares about any of it. I can't quit, but life is recursive; I can't fix the past, and I seem doomed to repeat it. My struggle ceased being interesting and compelling a long time ago. Now it's just a menagerie of terrors collected and recorded in this blog and my verses: anyone who cares to listen has heard it all. I express my feelings over and over again, and this is where they lead. I need to take a tranq. Tonight it comes shortly.