Sunday, April 02, 2006

So Far Today

So far today, I've felt pretty well. The morning wasn't great, but I got a call from a friend who read my blog and wanted to hear if I was ok, so that cheered me up. When a friend calls, I get a little boost in happiness to know I'm not completely alone. I've distracted and exhausted myself today with superflous stuff to keep Legion at bay. If I'm lucky, the lucid time will stretch into tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. I don't expect or try for sanity any more, that would be futile. A little part of me still hopes for happiness, though. Sometimes my melancholy seems invincible; I can't seem to find a way to break it inside me: I need help from someone who understands and can love me anyway.

Those of you familliar with only my writing might think that not unreasonable, but trust me, it is. The disrupting pressure of my depression and my flood of annoying habits tests anyone's patience. There's a scene from "The Simpsons" where Barney makes an independent film chronicling his condition. Several ladies in the audience lament his torment; one says "he has the soul of a poet!" When Barney introduces himself, the same woman turns to him and says "Did something crawl down your throat and die?" That's usually how people react to me. Something did crawl down my throat and die; most call it Youth.


Prester Bane said...

Yep. You've said it before, you'll say it again and again and again.

Anonymous said...

prester, my apologies for arguing with you on thomas' earlier post :-) i didn't realize you were inside thomas.

i have one of you around too, but i don't let him out much anymore because he stinks up the place. of course sometimes he comes out in disguise and i struggle to put him away again.

it is tuly a bitch to hate oneself. after all, no matter what you do, or who else is around, the one you hate is always there...

love and peace to you prester that you may cease to plague old tom.